I never knew a weekend away would teach me so much about myself and my life. It was my first (and TOTALLY not last) music festival. Here are a few things I've come to realize...

1. I don't live in the moment nearly as much as I should. It's hard right now anyhow, with as much responsibility as I have in school and with my groups, but during select weekends and as soon as I'm outta here (summer especially) I'm exploring that so much more.

2. I live entirely too fast. What I love about camping trips is that it forces you to slow down and find entertainment in the tiniest of things. Colors, bugs flying around, campfires, conversation, jewelry. This is when ADD comes in handy, but also made me realize I don't stop to enjoy these things as much as I used to. I can find joy in so many little things, but college has forced that part back so far, that I have to go to extremes to use it.

3. I have entirely too few hobbies. I know HOW to do a lot of things... I just don't do them. I can tye-dye (thanks mom), I can sew (minimally), I do photography (this one I do actually do), I can (and have multiple in progress) scrapbook, I write.... the list probably goes on. But I never do any of these things even when I have the time. I had all summer to work on this stuff, but I didn't. Granted I was a lazy pile and had house cleaning and a dog to take care of, but still. I did too much watching tv and internet BS... which leads me to number 4...

4. I spend too much time doing nothing just to pass the time. Rather than doing something constructive, I sit on facebook and mill around. I could be doing all the things listed in number 3, but I don't. Apparently, another summer project.

5. I do too little traveling. Now bare with me, because I know those of you who know me are sitting there going "um, not true!" This is true. I do plenty of traveling in the sense of going on large trips and going new places. But I don't do enough traveling for the sake of traveling. I need to do more road trips. I recently drove all the way to Colorado, by myself, for a family get together. I loved it. There are things I want to do and places I want to go that are all right in the midwest, and yet haven't done them. For example, the boundry waters, black hills... heck I live an hour and a half from the black hills and I've never been there.

6. I don't have to go somewhere with someone to have a good time. My roommate left on Saturday late afternoon/early evening. I was bummed that she wasn't there to hang out with, but I ended up having an awesome time anyway, because it gave me an excuse to hang out with someone new and spend time getting to know new people. Granted, I may have been overly clingy, not really sure... but when you only know a select few people and you meet a few new people who you really enjoy, generally a person will gravitate that direction often, right?

7. I spend entirely way too much time worrying about what I need to do. Rather than making what I want to do things I need to do, I am too preoccupied with dealing with what has to get done and why. "I have to do this paper for class or I'll fail; I have to go to this meeting or I look like a slacker; I have to help out with this because I'm in that group..." rather than, "I need to work on my scrapbooking because it takes up a lot of time; I need to learn how to garden so I can enjoy fresh veggies and make my own salsa; I need to get the information and set a date for [x] so I can do something I've wanted to do forever; I need to take my dog on more walks so we can both get more excersize and he can be more socialized" etc.

8. I care more about what I look like to other people than I originally thought. This isn't really a bad thing, I just always say "I don't care what other people think" when often, I'm monitoring my behavior. I don't wear my tye-dye shirt around campus because it's so loud, I wouldn't normally wear anklets that had bells on them. I came back to storm lake wearing one of my jingle anklets, and I had to self-talk myself into not caring. I knew it didnt matter, and I just looked different, and I'd get funny looks. Honestly, I didn't care because it was quirky me, but social learning says not to stand out, so I wanted to take them off. I had to talk myself into leaving them on, even though I loved them. It's something I should just keep an eye on, and do things out of the ordinary just to do them from now on, just so I can be a more full version of me.

9. I say I'm sorry too much. Mostly in new situations or situations in which I'm not practiced in and don't know what to do. This is an annoying habit to others which I really need to quit.

10. Music Festivals are my new favorite gathering of awesomeness.

Okay, so Patrick and I are talking again... we're good. Back to normal. And he's broken up with Sam again because she's... well she's stupid... and psycho. lol. Anyhow i just wanted everyone to know that we're cool and no worries and I'm happy as a clam again... well one that's not boiled in water that is.

:D

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

my loves this.

http://xkcd.com/594/

... my house was like windows vista and had a search tool. I need it right about now to find some software im missing for things like, say, my printer and my webcam. Though, I think I found my webcam software... I believe i just misplaced it again.

I have no clue what that subject line has to do with this post. I just thought of Winnie the Pooh randomly.

So I'm not sure where my garden is going, as I'll be leaving shortly and I'm still waiting for most of my plants to bear their fruit (erm... veggies, but thats not the saying). I can have someone water them I guess but I dont completely trust someone else to do it for that long. I can come back on weekends to check it and pick anything fresh but again... I have to have someone watch it til then. *sigh* next year I'm getting an earlier start.

Anywho that was a random thought. The real updates begin.

Patrick broke up with the psycho girl. Which is good. He needs someone who doesnt want him to be someone he's not. Which brings me to... well me. He'd been talking to me the whole time anyway, and we do talk every day at least once, not to mention the constant texting. We seem to be really close and from what I can tell, we're moving in the direction of being together. The distance is really the issue right now, but he's coming to visit me after the first of the year. Probably in February. This will be the first time we actually meet, so I thought it would be cool if he came and saw the Vagina Monologues we do every year, which I'm going to probably participate in again this year, and it also coincides with valentines day, which would be kinda cool. I really really feel good about him. He treats me amazing, and I've never felt so respected and connected with someone and like someone likes me for everything that I am. I can tell him anything, even when I'm super nervous to talk about something, I do anyway, and he never thinks less of me for anything. And vice versa of course. I honestly havent been able to open up to anyone like I can him. I know that's not 100% smart considering I've never met him, but what do we know about people we do meet and open up to?
Anyway, I know I'm gushing but he really really makes me happy. And it's not way complicated because we and do talk about everything. We're both open books with eachother. I can't wait for him to come visit... *daydreams about walking by the lake and cuddling*

Anywhoodles... I just wanted to update on the direction of my budding relationship... um, other than that just being a lazy bum after my cousin's wedding, which was amazing. She was gorgeous and i bawled, of course haha. But I'm glad to be getting back to school soon. I'm all sorts of ready to hang out with my awesome roomie and see everyone and get back to the grind.

Off I go to be productive... hopefully...

Seriously my favorite love story of all time.

But, I don't think he's that cute when he turns back into a prince... couldn't he stay Beast... he was a prince in her eyes as it was... I would have been PISSED if he turned into a prince and got all huffy again. Like... um... I fell in love with you as the beast... i like your furry face, stupid witch, keep it that way!

Sorry, I'm not sure I actually mean that. I just find it fun to think that way sometimes.

I hope my Beast comes.

As the subject says, I have very little to report. I'm in Cali at moms until next wednesday... yesterday I got a much needed manicure, today got a MUCH needed haircut and facial. Yay sexy hair and de-blackheaded face. I think i just made up a new word there.

In other news, efforts to get into a workout routine is proving more difficult than anticipated... first step would be to get into a general life routine, which is, again, proving more difficult than anticipated. With traveling and all the drama that has been going on (drama is another, very long, story), it's difficult to get myself to do anything productive with my life, even just having a routine. Gah. Oh well, so it goes, when I get back from cali, I'll have more time to work on it... I just have to consciously do it. It would also help if I start taking my meds again, but I have to get up early enough to take them... so begins the vicious circle.

Erm... other than that I can't think of much. When I get back I'm headed to Des Moines to visit Jewels and Shelley for a weekend, possible Storm Lake trip in there sometime. I'm going to try to keep to myself and be pretty invisible in town from now on, to try to get a schedule going. I mean, I'll still do the basic stuff... lunch occasionally, get the mail, grocery store, etc... but as for spending weekend evenings, i probably wont unless someone specifically asks me to come. *shrug* just easier and less disrupting to my schedule that way. Man, I feel old saying and doing that sort of thing. *sigh*

My wings are black as coal
And my heart as warm as ice
With heat like the sun
My skin does crawl
And my smile will mesmerize

I’m not quite fit for Heaven
But in Hell I don’t belong
So I guess I have to win affection
From Satan in a song.

My eyes shine like Topaz
And my hair fixes your gaze
My neck beckons you
With velvet skin
And my touch will mesmerize

I’m not quite fit for Heaven
But in Hell I don’t belong
So I guess I have to win affection
From Satan in a song.

They say Heaven is paradise
But if my utopia resembles Hell
Then where am I to go?
Naked I roam to find the home
Which will take my changing tides
I’m nowhere near an angel
But not quite downright evil
So where does this misfit hide?

Sometimes I regret the things I say.
Sometimes even the right thing
Doesn’t feel right a few weeks after.
Sometimes what I want and what I need
Don’t coincide.
Sometimes what is right for someone else,
What is fair for them,
Sucks on my end.

I didn’t want to let you go.
I didn’t want to let her have you.
Call me selfish, or mean.
But it wasn’t fair to keep you to myself,
So I let her steal you
Because you need someone who understands
You need someone who is there for you.
Not just some words on a screen
Or a face on a camera.

I hope whatever happens,
Something works out.
And I hope I don’t get lost in the shuffle
Like I tend to
When I give someone the right thing
For what they need.
Because it’s usually not me.

Disclaimer: This is not just about Gay Rights... its about RIGHTS. Period.

I must ask... Why is it, that someone who is not married to a member of the opposite sex, can not adopt children? Or, in the case of the Australian couple, become foster parents?

"Because it is not fair to the child to deny them of a normal family life, knowing both a mother and a father." or something along those lines.

EXCUSE ME???????

How many kids, biological at that, grow up in a single family household? Or a divorce with one parent remarried, or any other combination where the words "normal family" (I.E. a mom a dad, 2.5 kids, and a dog) don't apply? PLENTY. More than half, I can almost guarantee it.
Every child has a different family life. Every one of those families is "normal" for that family.

Why would an adoption agency, PEOPLE in that agency, PEOPLE who must be somewhat educated... deny a child -who is in the care of the state at the present time, not exactly the best life a child could have- a home that would nurture them, with people who would love them, just because that person is not married, or in a same sex relationship? It doesn't make any sense! Why would that agency, and the government, tell me that I can't adopt a child because I'm single?
So, I'm 41, I'm not married or have a boyfriend or anything, and I decide I want to adopt because one of the things I want in life is to have kids, and I'd like to take a child out of the state's care and give them a real home, if only because I'm just awesome like that. Well guess what answer I get? Sorry, you may have a better home, financial situation, extended family life, and more parenting skills than Jane and John Doe over here waiting in line behind you, but YOU can't adopt because you're not married, but they can, even though they may not be as nurturing as you. I guess only one child gets lucky today instead of two. See ya!

How ridiculous is that? I have friends who have been adopted, know people in my hometown whose family adopted them, and I know people who have adopted... None of them grew up perfectly happy with 1.5 siblings and a dog. It's not possible. There's always something; no family is the Brady Bunch. Everyone has their stuff. BUT the people I know grew up just fine, even in a family that wasn't exactly the states definition of "normal". In fact, my mom's boss adopted a little girl and she is happier than ever, even though the husband doesn't live there, and they don't really get along. Catherine is one of the most loved little girls, and she's growing up happy and well.

Who says a single person, or a loving homosexual couple, give a child the same things? How many single mothers are there in the US, who work hard to give their child everything, and those children turn out just fine (as long as their mother wasn't a prostitute, that theme seems to give in to serial killers, but that's an aside). How many children grow up in the care of the state, released when they're 18 into the world, and are not very well adjusted adults, or have been juvenile delinquents most of their lives? If those kids had gotten adopted, who says they couldn't have turned out differently?

I'm not saying there aren't exceptions, there always are, but in general, what can it hurt to give these children to a parent, or parents, who are not the "norm?" God and Goddess forbid there are loving people who would be good parents who aren't married. That just can't happen. Nope, Never.